Lately, I’ve been reading Nancy Levin’s book “Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free”, cheese-y title, yeah I know, but the information in it is rock solid. She gives a realistic approach to boundaries. Now I do think that my boundaries are somewhat strong, but I was shocked to learn so much without even finishing the book! So here we are, all the things I didn’t know about boundaries!
There are Types of Boundaries
According to Levin, there are 5 types of boundaries: 1) Physical: I would say, this one is the most commonly recognized. It relates to a person’s bodily autonomy and Physical space. 2) Material: a material boundary is about your stuff. If someone is taking your money without your permission or using your things they are crossing a material boundary. 3) Emotional: this one is all about a person’s emotional needs. Such as someone being verbally abusive to you, like a loved one or boss; that can be a breach of your emotional boundaries. 4) Mental: this one I think is the least known about, but how often do we experience it nowadays. A mental boundary is a boundary about your beliefs and thoughts. 5) Energetic: how often have you received emails or texts when you were about to go to bed? How about feeling drained from interacting with that friend that’s addicted to drama? an energetic boundary is about your energy and what can drain it.
A boundary is a statement of needs and a plan for support.
Now, what blew my mind was when Levin wrote about what a boundary is “A boundary is not a demand, like, ‘you can’t talk to me that way!’ It’s also not an ultimatum, like, ‘if you don’t stop talking to me that way I’ll leave you!’ a boundary is a statement of our needs and limits.” Meaning that you state your needs and a support plan for if those needs aren’t met. For example, I won’t answer emails after 6 pm. If you email me after 6 pm, I won’t respond until the following morning. Or here’s another example, I will not be treated disrespectfully. if you treat me without respect by making jokes at my expense, making comments about my body, or acting rudely to me I will stop talking to you.
Setting boundaries is constant work
You can’t just set a boundary and walk away, you have to constantly keep it up, regardless of how you are being perceived.
Boundaries aren’t about who crosses yours.
Here’s another thing I’ve been learning about boundaries, they aren’t just about who crosses yours, boundaries are about you holding on to that boundary. if you give away your boundaries or let other people set yours they will do what’s in their best interest, not yours. That’s not to say that if you are being abused it’s your fault, you can’t control people with boundaries. you can only control what you do if they are crossed
So that’s what I have been learning so far, I can give you a book review once I’ve finished it. In the meantime follow me on StoryGraph to see what I’m currently reading, I’m cmtillory89. Or if you prefer pictures, Instagram.